Breaking down the Entourage trailer and how society got to this point

Entourage ended on the 11th of September 2011.

The show concluded with the cast riding off into the sunset. Entourage being Entourage, the gang rode off in a plane. Well, two planes; two private planes. And a car. That’s how you ride off into the sunset, on the back of eight series and the one-time title of “Obama’s favourite show”. Having scooped up one Golden Globe, one BAFTA, six Emmys and nine Teen Choice nominations (it never did get that win), Entourage was done with us and we were done with Entourage.

Inevitably there was talk of a movie adaptation. With a popular television show, it’s only natural there would be some fans clamouring for more. And sometimes it can even seem like a good idea to provide that all-important closure, or to aim at a new audience for syndication purposes; sometimes it’s a great way to make a quick buck. But… Entourage? What could make the returning of a gradual critical nosediver seem like a good idea?

Courtesy: HBO
Courtesy: HBO

Every week on HBO, a great group of great friends with great hair would dish about their shopping trips, careers, and who performed fellatio on them last night. This was not Sex and the City, this was Entourage: for the bro that could afford cable. What set Entourage apart from its predecessor was that, in some cases, those oral acquaintances would be celebrities! Vince dating Ali Larter, Mandy Moore and Sasha Grey? Sure. Turtle hooking up with Jamie Lynn Siegler? You got it! E crushing on Anna Faris? Yep.

It wasn’t all sex and beautiful people though (except it was). Most seasons of Entourage boiled down to the following: Vincent Chase finishes a movie and looks for another; he is either hot or he is not. Vince buys his friends something expensive and Turtle gets high; Vince finds a movie he’d like to do but something conspires to stop him doing it, specifically that there are at least a dozen episodes left in the series order. Turtle gets high and Vince finds a new distraction, or a new film but, just as you think Vince is going to take movie #2, the gang return to movie #1. Everything has worked out! And for eight consecutive seasons! The gang go out to celebrate by drinking a lot and, if named Turtle, by getting high.

It was a great time to be alive.

For some reason, this is all coming to the big screen and people are confused: why is there an Entourage movie? Why is there more of this? What could possibly be in store? Well, the synopsis promises that this time the titular entourage’s “ambitions have changed, but the bond between them remains strong as they navigate the capricious and often cutthroat world of Hollywood”. Yes, the times they are a-staying exactly the same. There are the obligatory celebrities (Billy Bob Thornton, Bob Saget, Piers Morgan), glamorous locations (Hollywood, Miami), and fancy dames and plenty of them (Ronda Rousey, Emily Ratajkowski)!

Let’s take a look at what’s in store, thanks to the recently released Entourage teaser trailer.

0:00 – 00:47 Vince is a jungle-mashing underground DJ. His fans are in raptures, but we soon see the authorities massing. “Sadly”, speaketh the Vince, “all good parties must come to an end” – at least until it’s deemed financially viable to reboot them as a movie. Calvin Harris looks pensive, a bottle is thrown at riot police and Vince injects himself with bright green gloop ready to face The Man.

00:48 – 0:59  “Lloyd!” Ah, it was a trailer within a trailer, and Ari Gold, Vince’s onetime mega-agent, now mega-studio head, is being treated to a screening of Vince’s new project. He does not look best pleased. It could be that he’s missing his big ol’ London department store but it might be because Vince went 50 million dollars over-budget on a film where a DJ injects himself with fluorescent slime and incites a riot. Also, it might be because it stars Vincent Chase as the lead.

Your summer blockbuster – Courtesy of: Warner Brothers Entertainment
Your summer blockbuster. Courtesy: Warner Brothers Entertainment

1:00 – 1:08 “It’s like when a girl asks if you want to bang her hot sister” opines Drama. To which Ari responds “what is he doing here?” What indeed, Ari? What are any of us doing here?

1:09 – 1:33 Time for our first montage! Cars. Sun. Cars. Girls. Boats. Tattoos. MMA star Ronda Rousey. And a track that thumps “sound the alarm, I’m ready for trouble. I’m ready for trouble, trouble; wind me up and let me go, I’m ready for trouble.” Here we go.

1:34 – 1:39 Celebrities! Entourage brings its A-game with Billy Bob Thornton and Haley Joel Osment: two men, six names, one on-screen family. It’s the McCredles, and Billy Bob warns that “this movie’s enormous; it fails, you go down in flames quicker than Hindenberg.” It’s all got very meta. Oh, the humanity!

Y'know, this face. Courtesy of: Warner Brothers Entertainment
Y’know, this face. Courtesy: Warner Brothers Entertainment

1:40 – 1:51 Montage #2, this time of angry Ari. Skip this part and watch one of the 7 minute montourages on YouTube. For reference, Ari smashes a picture frame and his wife makes the kind of face that sex dolls have, which is fitting considering the usual female characterisation in the series. This section ends with Ari stating “I’m okay to continue” and the trailer follows suit.

1:52 – 1:58 Drama says how he doesn’t like the weather in Queens: canned_laughter.mp3 not found.

1:59 – 2:08 Turtle challenges Expendables 3 participant Ronda Rousey to a fight. The stakes are set at intercourse and Turtle shows regret (in this instance, of agreeing to fight Rousey). Ding ding.

2:09 – 2:11 Boom! Our title bursts through the blackness of Turtle’s cranial trauma – “Entourage” – illuminating all in its path. Truth is revealed.

Marked is on sale at Walgreens & other fine retailers. Courtesy of: Warner Brothers Entertainment
Marked is on sale at Walgreens & other fine retailers. Courtesy: Warner Brothers Entertainment

2:12 – 2:20 “What’s up, Ari?” It’s Mark “Marky Mark” Wahlberg, wearing a T-shirt with his supplement company printed on the back: GET MARKED. Unfortunately Wahlberg overhears a problem. Someone doesn’t like Johnny Drama, but will Vince leave his own brother on the editing room floor to save his film? A film about an underground DJ who pumps himself full of super slime.

2:21 Summer 2015. #entouragemovie. Be there.

– Originally posted on OneRoomWithAView.com

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